


Thoughts Are Like Rain

by shag_me_senseless_watson



Category: Sherlock - Fandom
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Johnlock - Freeform, M/M, Self Harm, possible angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-29
Updated: 2017-06-30
Packaged: 2018-11-21 03:27:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11348913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shag_me_senseless_watson/pseuds/shag_me_senseless_watson
Summary: Sherlock is going through a rough time with depression, anxiety, and several suicidal thoughts when he meets his new flatmate. Can John help to put him back together? I guess you'll have to find out.





	1. Okay

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: Mentions of self harm and depression. PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE RECOVERING FROM THESE. I LOVE YOU.

_I was ten when my doctor diagnosed me with clinical depression. He put me on medicine to try and keep it at bay, but they never worked. I went up a dosage every month, and still nothing. My parents started to get restless about it, so when I turned eleven I just pretended that they worked and we went about our lives. My brother, Mycroft, could see right through me, though. He never said anything, but he always knew._

_I was doing fine for a while, but everything got worse. When I got to middle school, everyone would bully me, and that caused me to go down even deeper, but I didn't tell my parents. I didn't want them worrying about me when they had their own stuff going on at the time, such as finding work, or getting a sitter for me whenever Mycroft was away at boarding school, or planning their date nights._

_They had more important stuff to deal with than worrying about whether or not I was okay; which is fine, really. I don't really like it when they hover, even if it's to check in on me._

_As my depression got worse, I started having suicidal thoughts. I don't even know where they came from, as I've never felt like dying before, but it was like my mind had taken over every part of my body, including my soul._

_I felt worthless, unwanted, unloved, and useless. I know that none of that is true, but I couldn't help but think it so._

_I know my parents love me, and I know that they want me. But I feel like I'm just in the way._

_One day at school, someone decided to push me to my limit by shoving me in the hall. I had slowly gotten back up and continued to walk it all off. They were persistent, though, but I paid no attention to it. I ignored their screams of 'freak' and 'weirdo'._

_My mind was on something else._

  
_When I had finally arrived home, I went to my room, got out a pencil sharpener and took out the blade. That was the first time I cut myself._

_I'm not proud of it, nor am I trying to normalize what I've done. I know it's wrong; but it felt so good. So I did it again and again until my arm was marred with scars. I did it until I felt as if my soul had released most of the pressure in my chest. I did it until I felt sane and happy again. I did it because it made me feel free, and it had been a long time since I'd felt like that._

_I stopped for a while, but by the time I got to high school (I begged my parents not to make me go to boarding school) I started up again. The bullying never stopped, it only followed. The thoughts never went away, they just got louder._

_From then on I only ever wore long sleeves and made sure to cover the scars with what makeup I could steal from my mother, and if Mycroft knew or not, he never said anything._

_I don't remember a time when I was okay. I only remember being._


	2. John Watson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John Watson enters Sherlock's life and changes it completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My Previous warnings still apply. There may be some graphic readings in later chapters, so if you are suffering, or have suffered, from self harm or depression, then please be careful when reading this.

_Once I graduated high school, that was it. No more bullying._

_Or so I thought._

_My family likes to put in their two cents whenever I'm around._

_'You should wear this'_  
 _'You should lose/gain weight'_  
 _'You need to do this and that'_  
' _You need to keep quiet'_

_Every. Single. Day._

_I tried to get a job, but no one would call me back, and when they did it was only to say they were full._

_Every day would just get worse and worse, and eventually my thoughts and urges would stack upon each other._

_I think Mycroft noticed because next thing I know he found me a flat with a job downstairs working for a Mrs. Hudson in her sandwich shop. That's where I find myself now, writing this, suggested by my counselor. I'm 23, I shouldn't have a diary to begin with._

_Although, I find it easier to write this all down rather than talk to someone about it. But only because I know no one will read it. I hope_ _not_ _, at least._

The bell on the door to the shop catches my attention. I put my journal away under the counter. As I look up, I see a man clothed head to toe in an army uniform. Immediately, my mind turns to mush and my mouth goes dry. I clear my throat and try to speak, but nothing comes out.

The man looks up and grins before moving to stand in front of the counter.

"Hello," he says.

"H-hello," I reply, mentally kicking myself.

The man's grin gets bigger. I can feel my cheeks heating up, and I'm sure he can see it happening.

"Can I get a salmon and cucumber sandwich, please?"

I nod and set about making his sandwich, all the while thinking rapidly about how attractive he is.

Once his sandwich is finished, he pays and sits down at one of the tables to eat. I try my best to keep my focus on work as a few more customers file in, but the man keeps coming to the front of my mind.

Most of the customers are already gone, but he's still here. I was just about to put away most of the supplies, but he stopped me when he came back up to the counter.

"What's your name?" he asks.

"Sherlock," I mumble. "And yours?"

"John," he says. "John Watson."

I nod and grin. He moves to dig something out of his left pocket.  _Left handed, then._ He pulls out a card and hands it to me. I take it and turn it over. It read:

John Watson  
# +44 55563987

I look up at him with a teasing smirk.

"Do you always carry around your number on a business card?"

"Only for very special people," he winked and moved to leave.

"Wait!"

He stopped and turned back around. "Yes?"

"I - I um - I need -"

He held up a hand. "You need a flatmate. I know," he grinned again, "I saw the sign." I could stare at his smile all day.

I nod and look down, a bit embarrassed at my outburst.

"I'd be more than happy to move in."

My head snaps up at that.

"Y-you would?"

He nods and moves closer. "More than happy. I must be off now, I have to go to work. But call me and we can work out the details, yeah?"

"Yeah.. will do."

He walks out and I gather my things and head upstairs to my room.

I throw my journal onto my bed then sit down beside it. I lay on my back and can't help the smile that appears out of nowhere.

But then I sit up and shake it all off. I am  _23._ I should  _not_ be having crushes at this age. I can't help it, though. He just seems so ... amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honest opinions are always welcome. x


	3. He Is

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock's first kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Previous warnings still apply for possible future chapters.

_John Watson moved into 221B with me a week after our encounter. So far he is funny, a very good cook, and still handsome. We get along swimmingly, and we rarely fight - but when we do, it's usually about who's turn it is to buy the milk, among other things._

_A few more weeks after his move, John got to know what it is that I do for a living. I told him, and surprisingly, he was okay with it. He was even okay with all the body parts I showed him that were kept in another fridge in 221A._

_Over time, John began to accompany me to crime scenes. He even helped to solve some of the murders (that he now blogs about). His blog makes me sound like a romantic - which I am not._

I close my journal and stand to open my bedroom door after John knocked three times.

"Hey, you ready to go?" John asked.

I nod and start to follow him down the hall and down the stairs to the front door, but I stop short.

"One moment, I've forgotten something."

John nods. "I'll be waiting outside."

"I won't be but a minute, promise."

"No hurry."

I grin and walk back to my room. Across from my bed, sitting on my dresser, is a bundle of carnations - John's favorite. I set them down on my bed for a moment as I open up my journal to quickly add to my last entry:

_John and I are dating now, by the way. We're taking things slow, but I can't help but feel so strongly about this. I've never felt this way about anyone, and John makes me happy, and I don't want to mess this up, so here's a little note to yourself:_

_Never forget why you love him, and never let him know until the time is right._

I put the journal away and grab the flowers then make my way outside and into the cab. John looks over at me and the flowers and grins before saying in a teasing manner, "and who might those be for?"

I can feel my cheeks warming up as I hand them over. "You."

John's grin gets wider as he holds onto the flowers. "Thank you," he leans across the seat and places a soft kiss upon my left cheek, which now has to be beet red. I look down at my hands and clear my throat in nervousness. "I know they're your favorite, so I picked them myself, courtesy of Mrs. Hudson."

"I love them," he says. He places a hand on my chin and turns me to face him before planting another soft kiss, only this time on the lips. I freeze at first, because I'd never been kissed before, but then my lips start to move against his and it feels so  _right_. It makes me feel like I'm floating on a cloud, and the feeling is amazing. _He_ is amazing. I guess I am a romantic after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honest opinions are always welcome. x

**Author's Note:**

> Honest opinions are always welcome. x


End file.
